That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
