The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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