Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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