I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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