I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
