A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
