Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
