i think my tv is drunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
