i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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