I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
there is glitter all over my balls
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