I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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