I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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