We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
