Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
