guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
