Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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