fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
