Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
