Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
