I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
