Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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