considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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