So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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