I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
