One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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