I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
