i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
