I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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