imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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