so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
