fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
