from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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