i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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