Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my shit smells like andre
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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