So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
