You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is Oprah even human
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
