I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
