I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
