Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
