i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
