I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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