thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
