I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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