I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
