Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
