So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize