Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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