You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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