I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
