he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just high enough for therapy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
