he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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