So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
