Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
