This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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