I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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