My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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