He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
