Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
