On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
