capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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