so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
