i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
