You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Your penis caused this!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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