i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
