I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
