Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
