if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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