The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
