Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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